I hate Facebook

I can't sleep. I fell a sleep for an hour then woke up again. It must be the Jetlag. Damn you time difference! 

So what does one do in the dark, under the covers, with a laptop idling beside you just begging to be touched... Well... You surf Facebook, that's what you do. And after an hour of looking at friend updates, bouncing onto interesting articles, watching a few novel video clips... you start reading profiles. Profiles in Full. Family's profiles, friends' profiles, your lover's profile. In full. 

It' always gets to me, reading your profile. I read along and continue to scroll and before I notice it, a significant amount of time has passed, and I've looked 2 years more than I should have. Damn. You are intense, and you say it. Nay, you proclaim it for all the world to see. He must have felt on top of the world (I know the feeling :P). 

And now with all recent strings of inconsistencies and claim extreme insensitivities, what am supposed to think? I saw the photos; my mind plays its tricks. How am I supposed to feel? Do I blindly follow, like a naive, suicide-able, cult followers? Do I rely solely on trust - unsubstantiated, but fully understanding? Maybe. Possibly. I know I do it, but it won't be the easiest barrel to carry.

Instead, I'll do what I do best: I over-think - for the better. I rationalize. I dissect the facts to extract a highly possible outcome that bodes for the better. One where the holes are logically explained and the lapses in judgment have viable, grant ill-felt, intention. This helps me sleep at night.

It really is intensely scary what I've gotten myself into. I try to ignore it. But on lonely, dark, silent, sleepless nights like this - curiosity gets the better of me. Man, I should have learned from the cat! I'll learn eventually. It always means trouble. Then again, I always prefer to know - regardless of the outcome.

To make myself feel better, you know  what I did? I read all the things you wrote or implied about me! :D I read them twice over. It made me smile. It quelled the insecurities a bit. Oh, there you go. I just read them again. :)

Fuck. I need to get over this eventually.  

But there's no turning back now. I'm in too deep, and I would take the pain masochist-style - because I know I need to give this one every single thing that I've got. 

I just wish, eventually, you'll have more sappy, love-dribbling facebook posts about me and adorable, cheese-filled photos with me. :)