Crazy.Stupid.Love

12:29am

When you find your soul mate… you just don’t give up…

What a great movie. Funny and witty and insanely poignant for the hopeless romantics. As I floundered through this Sunday night DVD, I couldn’t help but chuckle and smile with giddy joy. It gave you all the those tender fluttering butterflies that great romcoms are inclined to do.

I don’t know if I believe in soul mates… the notion that there is just one person in the world for you. I guess the jury’s still out on that one. I don’t even know if I’ve met my soulmate… You know what I mean, one of those magical movie moments where you JUST know… you see each other across a crowded room, the light takes on this slightly more radiant warmth and a cheesy 80s love song comes on in your head – maybe something from Dirty Dancing or Breakfast Club. Yup, nope, I haven’t had one of those.

I imagine if I did have a soul mate, he would be wildly sexy – but he wouldn’t really know it. Maybe a nerdy jock. Smart, but not condescending. Confident but not cocky. A lover of some form of the arts. He can’t be poor (come on, now). He doesn’t have to be ridiculously well off, but he has to be ridiculously well bred – someone I would be proud to introduce to my brothers and sister. Someone who treats his mom right, because that's the way I treat my mom and there's no other way to do it. Driven at work and in life… Someone with a purpose, a place to go or someone to be – a fire in his eyes and a hunger in his soul. Above all, he’s got to be almost absurdly nice and madly in love with me.

Wishful thinking… Maybe… But I guess you already know that I’m not gonna give up on finding him… or him finding me. And as I sit here listening to a million love songs, I shall leave you with one of my favorites… a tribute to the blissfully naïve. A lullaby for those who are never bitter and always hopeful. A personal prayer that I will never lose that innocent longing and one day find my soul mate.

Because whether we are 13 or 30, you don’t give up on your soul mate. And as we strut around town pretending to be the cool cat Jacob Palmers of the world, all we really just want to have exactly what Cal Weaver has – Timeless, teeming, true love. Good night world…

One of those days...

November 14, 2011

7:30pm

Not a good day. Totally have no motivation today. I ate too much for dinner last night at Jumbo and now I still feel bloated. One of my assistants tendered his resignation yesterday. I haven’t been to the gym since the weekend. My Manila boy cliché moment still continue to haunt me. I was late for work. I almost caught the bus, but didn’t – Damn it bus 143.

And now it’s starting to rain. Don’t get me wrong. I can take the rain on the roof on this empty house. That don’t bother me. I guess what bothers me is that feeling of emptiness – a lethargic heaviness that makes normal movement seem more like moving in honey, a reluctant apathy that allows saliva to drool down your chill without much of a care. That’s what hurts the most.

It’s a depressing mixture of boredom, loneliness, negativity and too much Kina Granis, Boyce Avenue, Joseph  Vincent and David Choi on youtube… Sigh. Hopefully, it’s just today. I need to get over this shit. This hump. This idiocy.

My soaking wet reflection

November 8, 2011

5:23pm

Sitting in my bedroom in Manila after going for a run and getting soaked in the rain

I went for a run just now. Nothing fancy or elaborate…. Just a run around my house in Paranaque– down the block, up the next street, then round back in a circle. I hadn’t been running for more than 25 minutes when it started to rain. And not like the moderate drizzle you get in Singapore. It was the giant cats and dogs drops you get in monsoon countries like the Philippines, the kind that stings a little when it hits your skin. It was that kind of rain.

I had just started another lap when it began to pour, and it was a choice whether to turn around and go back or to power through and run that last round. And as one foot stepped after the other, I thought to myself, “when was the last time you played in the rain…” So I kept on going, and ran that last few strides. Running just a little fast, with a stupid grin on my face.

The last few days have been tough. Mistake upon mistake. Guilt after guilt. But it is time for a new leaf. Time to look forward and to do what needs to be done and to power forward. It’s not easy. It’s dark, cold and wet. You’re all alone. You could get sick or hurt. But deep down (not even that deep down), you know how to get home and you know what the right thing to do is. You know it in your gut.

So with that, I wipe myself off and wash the rain away. I take a good look in the mirror and see all the many things that I can still improve, things I can change for the better. That’s what I’m going concentrate on for now. I am a good man, and I was brought up right. I do not want to let my mom and my family down. I don’t want to let myself down. I need to make a difference, I need to make a change…