6pm on a Wednesday
In the office. Second Shift starts now.
You know those days where you have a billion things to do… and you fight and you slog and work your ass off. You do the work and you work hard and put in the blood and sweat and tears (dramatic much?). But still the list of things to do doesn’t get shorter, and the amount of work continues to pile up. Sigh. It’s one of those days.
Don’t get me wrong, today’s not a bad day. It’s an ok day. Nothing terrible happened. Actually a few good things happened. J My brand is number 2 in the market – a first EVER! Opportunities are abound, whether I’m ready and equipped to take on the challenges are a different question. But the windows are there and I can smell the beginnings of tomorrow’s sweet fruits from today’s labors.
But fuck man… this shit is tiring. fulfilling and exciting. But damn fucking exhausting. Sigh. They said it wouldn’t be easy. They said it would be hard and they were right. It makes my brain tired.
I do have one very big, very tall consolation though… all 6 feet of him. The thought of him eases so much tension in me. My mind relaxes a bit. Perspective comes into play and the foggy horizon clears up a little. The thought of him calms me. The thought of him makes me less scared.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m still scared. Hahaha. Not so shitlessly anymore, but still pretty terrified. None of it is perfect. It’s still messy, and the grey areas are still there – granted much less so now than 4 months ago. There are some insecurities, inconsistencies and derivations that need to be address from all sides. The future isn’t exactly crystal clear. So I guess the fear is healthy and justified.
Maybe I’m amazed at the way he loves me all the time.
Maybe I’m afraid of the way I really love him.
Maybe I’m amazed at how he pulled me out of time, hung me on the line.
Maybe I’m afraid of how I really need him
And when I listen to this song and think of him… I smile.
From here to the moon and back. MFEO.
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