Happy World AIDS Day

12:53am

Taking a break from FB and procrastinating sleep

I get tested every summer. Every summer without fail. I’ve been doing it now for a few years. Regards of whether I’m single or with someone, active or not… I get tested. It’s always scary, always nerve wrecking. But I somehow find enough droplets of courage to do it anyways.

In the days, hours, minutes before and while you wait; so many thing run through your head… What would I do if it was bad news? How I would break the news or would I hide it from everyone? Would I take my own life? Who would go to my funeral? What would they say… “Oh what a shame.” “He was such a good boy.” “Such promise with such a great future ahead of him…” What would I tell my Mom?

It’s freaky – the shit your head can do to you. And for a few moments during the whole ordeal, I drive myself slightly insane with all the creative trappings of plausible notions that I come up with in my head. But I do it anyways; I get tested…Because it’s the right thing to do. Because not knowing would drive me even more insane. Because I’d rather know. Because knowing is half the battle.

I have a friend from LA, and he… she is HIV positive. She got it when we were in college. She knows that she’s made mistakes; she was young and young kids make mistakes. This is a hefty chunk of penitence. And you know what, she is one of the most affirmatively vivacious, powerfully buoyant people that I know. And to some extent, I owe part of who I have become to her… So partly, I do it for her. Because she deserves that… at the very least she deserves that…

I love this video for so many reasons. I love how genuine and beautifully the film shows the intimacy between 2 men. I love that it’s Singaporean because it steers the message just a little closer to home. I love how they drive the message straight to you, cleverly detouring passed your heart strings along the way for added emotional equity. Superb.

So tonight, I say a little prayer to the over 40 million people living with this virus all over the world. I am sending the world some love and strength tonight. I hope it’s able to reach you one way or another. Much love.