January 23, 2012
1:07am
I should be mad – Anger would be the common, socially acceptable reaction. But I’m not. I’m more scared, than mad.
I should be mad at you for using words like “forever” and “the rest of our lives”. I should scold you for propagating my notions of three aisled wedding. I should reprimand you for filling my head with dreams of 2 story houses in Magallanes with a yard in the back. But most of all, I should be outraged that you’ve used these words on others; outraged at how easily you talk about things I hold so sacredly.
But I can’t blame you… You’re in love. You are consumed by the temporary madness, the eruptions and earthquakes. It’s all consuming and all nourishing… But what happens when being in love subsides?
Tonight, you’re mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you still love me tomorrow?
So you see, I am not angry; I am terrified. Terrified because I have fallen for you. Because you’ve done the near impossible task of breaking down all my walls and circumventing all my defenses. Because I’m at the brink of leaning over the tipping point, of crossing the line when there is no turning back…
And I’m not sure if – when your being in love subsides – you’ll still choose me. If I’ll still be the one you wax poetic to and about. If I shall still be the same Dad. Sigh.
It’s almost counterintuitive, but I am waiting for the day when you stop being in love. I long for that day… the day when being in love ends; and quiet, comforting, authenticity of just love begins. This is truly when forever begins. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to live in the moment and just enjoy this.
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